That’s it; I have had all I can stomach with television channels and their insane predilection with airing every other piece of news as ‘breaking news’. There ought to be a law on what can and what cannot be classified as breaking news. I mean these channels break news faster than a patisserie chef can break a dozen eggs for a caramel pudding! And these chefs are fast, mind you. Perhaps the Consumer Protection Council of the Helpline Trust can take this up as their crusade for this year. They will be doing a great service to the citizenry.
As for myself, well I have decided to fight back the channels on their own turf. Yes Siree, I am going to launch my own channel and guess what it is going to be called? Breaking News, of course! Can you imagine the sheer panic that will spread in the television industry when my channel Breaking News goes on air? The faces of the channels bosses will be worth seeing!
So there you go; the mother of all news channels is on its way. Breaking News will be like no other channel because it will focus exclusively on what we, the viewers want to see as breaking news, and not what the current lot of news channels thrust down our throats. So Breaking News will carry none of the news flashes of misguided youths blowing themselves us, political pots calling the political kettles black, the almost daily Droning of the tribal areas and so forth. These stories are not even news any more, leave alone breaking news. It’s like what they taught us in journalism school. Dog bites man is not news; man bites dog is.
Breaking News is going to be a refreshing departure from the mundane and the morbid. None of the asinine verbal diarrhea accompanied by disgusting, insensitive video footages that today constitutes breaking news. I mean who gives a rat’s ass (excuse my Praetorian Greek) what politico X said today about politico Y anyway? As far as we the viewers are concerned, they can both go to …you know where. BTW, a politico is not your ordinary politician. Look it up.
The breaking news on Breaking News is going to be what the people would most want to hear about. Yes, Breaking News too will have its sensationalism. Albeit of a different genus; delightful and wondrous. Our star anchor (I have already interviewed a promising young man, who goes by the rather long name of Kamran Talat Hamid Lucman) will bring good tidings into peoples’ homes via breaking news on their television screens. News and views that help people in their daily lives, for the Lord knows we can use all the help we can get.
Consider some lead stories breaking news on Breaking News. ‘Chicken available at Empress Market for 3 days only at Rs. 99 per kilogram’. Now that’s breaking news! Or, ‘Gawalas (non-packaged milk sellers) Association to use bottled water for mixing with milk as part of their corporate social responsibility.’
One day the breaking news could be, ‘Avoid Shahrah-e-Faisal today as the Prime Minister is in town’. Now if you have ever been stuck in a massive traffic jam that lasted 2 hours easily or more, when the President or Prime Minister was in town, you would really be able to appreciate the huge
significance this breaking news has on your life. And it’s not so much this President or Prime Minister. This has been going on as long as one can remember. If anything, the current duo is now rarely responsible for such breaking news, being infrequent visitors to the city by the sea.
Breaking News will be an interactive channel. Instead of creating costly overheads to gather news, Breaking News will motivate the people themselves to provide the news. A Friends of Breaking News forum will be established. Call-in numbers will be by the score and any citizen who has a real interesting story to tell, will be able to call in and get instant story evaluation. If it is breaking news by the channel’s parameters, it goes on air and the Friend filing the story gets paid a fee, and has the privilege of having his message to his near and dear ones scroll across the screen as his filed story is aired.
So, who’s bankrolling me to set up Breaking News? After all, it will be great CSR! Who knows, tbl may even do a story on it.